Between The Matches

The next few weeks were busy.

I was moving.

And, in a lot of ways, moving on.

After a year of living in my brother’s basement apartment (which was amazing) following my divorce, I finally found a place of my own and settled in. Between packing, unpacking, buying furniture, and figuring out where everything belonged, most of my free time disappeared.

I was still active on the dating apps, but for the first time in a long time, dating wasn’t the center of my life.

And honestly, that felt good.

I want to pause here because this is one of the biggest changes I noticed in myself throughout this journey.

In the past, I had a tendency to let relationships define me. I would become so invested in the person I was with that I slowly lost sight of myself. Somewhere along the way, their interests became my interests, their priorities became my priorities, and before I knew it, I was living a life that didn’t entirely feel like my own.

Looking back, part of my divorce stemmed from that realization. I had spent so much time trying to fit into a life that wasn’t right for me that I stopped asking whether I was actually happy. And when I finally did, the answer was clear: I was not.

Even after my marriage ended, breaking that habit took work.

A lot of work.

But somewhere between all the first dates, awkward conversations, and lessons learned, something started to change.

I began putting myself first.

Not in a selfish way, but in a healthy way.

I stopped viewing dating as something that would complete my life and started viewing it as something that could eventually add to an already fulfilling one.

That shift made all the difference.

I’ve always had a bit of an addictive personality. When I get excited about something, I tend to throw myself into it completely. Dating was no exception.

This time, though, I was finding balance. I was making time for family. Making time for friends.

Making time for myself.

And if the right person came along, great. If not, that was okay too.

I was genuinely proud of how far I had come.

Around this time, I matched with a guy we’ll call Matt.

Matt seemed nice, and we agreed to meet halfway at a Mexican restaurant neither of us had been to before.

The date was easy.

We talked about the horrors of online dating and swapped stories about bad matches, awkward encounters, and the strange realities of trying to meet people through an app.

We talked about family, work, and everything in between.

The conversation flowed naturally, and I enjoyed getting to know him.

At the same time, I wasn’t sitting across from him trying to decide whether he was my future husband.

And that was new for me.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t walk away thinking Matt and I were definitely going to end up together.

Probably not.

But I also didn’t feel the need to immediately make a decision.

One of the biggest lessons I’d learned over the previous months was that dating isn’t about finding the answer as quickly as possible.

It’s about giving yourself the opportunity to discover it.

Every date teaches you something. Every conversation gives you perspective.

And every person helps you understand a little more about what you’re looking for.

So I left that night feeling content.

Not because I thought I’d found my person.

But because I finally felt comfortable with the process.

And for me, that might have been the biggest victory of all.