Between The Matches

Since this will be my last blog post for a while, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the last year.

One year ago today, I went on my first date after my divorce.

At the time, I had no idea what I was doing.

I was nervous, hopeful, excited, skeptical, and completely out of practice. I had no roadmap for how to date again, no idea what I was looking for, and no clue how much I would learn along the way.

Over the last year, I’ve matched with and met more people than I ever expected.

Some I still think about fondly.

Some I try very hard not to think about at all.

Most fall somewhere in between.

One thing I never anticipated was how many small pieces of people would stay with me.

There is something uniquely human about getting to know someone.

Not physically, but personally.

Learning their fears, their dreams, their insecurities, their favorite foods, their family stories, their routines, and the little details that make them who they are.

Even when people leave our lives, those details don’t always leave with them.

Ivan always ordered a cold brew with cold foam and a bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel. Every time I watch New Girl, I think of him for a moment.

Not in a longing way.

Not with regret.

Just as someone who was once part of my story.

When “Daisies” by Justin Bieber comes on the radio, I think of Chris.

Every time I order an everything flagel from my favorite bagel spot near work (or shop at Sephora), I think of Jack.

When I pass the ice cream place near my apartment, I sometimes think of Joe #2.

World Cup matches still make me think of Matt.

These people may not have been permanent parts of my life, but for a period of time they mattered.

And I mattered to them.

I think that’s something easy to forget when dating doesn’t work out.

Not every connection is meant to last forever.

Sometimes people enter your life to teach you something.

Sometimes they’re there to help you heal.

Sometimes they’re there to show you what you want.

And sometimes they’re there to show you what you don’t.

What I’ve learned over the last year is that dating was never really the point.

The dates were fun.

The stories were entertaining.

The awkward moments, the good kisses, the bad kisses, the lessons, the disappointments, the excitement—those all mattered.

But the biggest lesson was realizing that life happens between the matches.

It happens on Sunday dinners with my family.

It happens sitting on the couch with my niece and nephews.

It happens on beach days, girls’ nights, bowling leagues, beach volleyball games, football Sundays, and random phone calls with my mom.

It happens while moving into a new apartment.

It happens while rebuilding a life you never expected to have to rebuild.

And somewhere along the way, while meeting all of these different people, I started getting to know myself again too.

For a long time, I defined myself by my relationships.

I measured my happiness by whether I was with someone.

I worried about finding the next chapter before I had fully finished the one I was in.

This year taught me something different.

It taught me that my life isn’t on hold while I wait for the right person.

My life is happening right now.

The right relationship, if it comes, won’t complete my life.

It will simply add to a life that is already full.

Maybe one day I’ll find a match that sticks. Maybe I won’t.

Either way, I’m okay.

Because while matches come and go, the people who have stood beside me through every chapter remain.

My family.

My friends.

The people who answered phone calls after bad dates.

The people who listened to every story.

The people who reminded me who I was when I forgot.

Those are the relationships that matter most.

And if there is one thing I’ll take away from this past year, it’s this:

The best parts of life were never the matches themselves.

They were everything that happened in between.